The right wing media machine loves whataboutisms, so it’s only natural that they react to any holiday or observance for 2SLGBTQIA+ people by pushing an alternative narrative.

You remember their Transgender Day of Visibility vs. Easter bullshit, right? In case you don’t, Transgender Day of Visibility (a static date holiday set for March 31st every year) coincided with Easter (a lunar holiday that changes dates each year) in 2024, so Fox, OAN, Newsmax, and all the usual right wing provocateurs pushed a narrative that the tr***ies were trying to kill G-d or whatever.

Pride Month always gets a special edition deflection, in addition to their perennial use of “what about the troops?!” This year, conservatives learned that Men’s Mental Health Month is also each June, so they’re getting their panties in a twist and spamming Pride Month social posts with assertions that it isn’t Pride Month, it’s Men’s Mental Health Month.

Caring about people and the specific challenges different groups face isn’t a zero sum game like right wing talking heads make it out to be. This transgender woman cares a great deal about men’s mental health, so let’s talk about it.

First, a stark fact: Men die by suicide at a rate that is nearly four times higher than women, most often via firearm. (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention). Here in the U.S., the rates are highest among Native American men (followed closely by white men), veterans, and men who work in hard labor occupations. (Healthline).

Suicide represents a finality to the men’s mental health crisis, but it’s not the whole thing. Many, many, many men endure lives of unspoken suffering.

Sadly, our concepts of manliness are often to blame. In our culture, men are generally socialized from a young age to be “tough,” which includes not acknowledging physical or emotional pain and avoiding emotional expression (except anger). Boys don’t cry, right? A lot of men are taught to pursue physical endeavors while being discouraged from intellectual or creative pursuits, and they are definitely discouraged from anything perceived as feminine or queer.

If you watch Fox News, you might end up believing the asinine notion that men shouldn’t even eat ice cream or drink from straws.

Men are taught to bully all of us who are below them in the social hierarchy but also to bully each other. Viciously. Cruelty isn’t part of being a man, but it’s sold as part of the package. It always has been to some extent, and the Manosphere has exploited that. They’ve taken the idea of “not being man enough” and turned into a multi-billion dollar industry and circular firing squad that is destroying men.

The most insecure men in the world have their podcast bullhorns out and are teaching that manhood is about conquest (sexual, financial, physical). They obsess over physical features like muscles—they love cosmetic muscles and deprioritize actual strength—and dick size. Guys, your manhood isn’t your manhood.

Something that gets a lot of press is the “male loneliness epidemic.” It’s caused by the same snake oil salesmen. Women don’t exist for men to conquer or own, and those of us who are attracted to men aren’t attracted to those men. If you dig deeper, you’ll find that men who respect women, who treat us as equals, who advocate for our bodily autonomy, are much less likely to be lonely.

Men includes gay men, trans men, and other queer men. Men includes men from other cultures with different norms. Men includes immigrants seeking a better life. Men also includes a lot of other expressions of manhood that aren’t accounted for by right wing deflectors.

They don’t want to help any men—except the capitalist pigs they work for—when they blame queer people (and women and minorities) for the crises besetting men.

The things that will help men’s mental health most are also the things that will help the queer community most. Compassion. Understanding. Mutual Support. Community.

One of the manliest things you can do is lift up the people that bad men want you to pin down.

Men, I love you, and I want you to love you, too.💜Miranda📚

p.s. If y’all want to read poetry, memoir, and other miscellaneous writing by this trans woman (of course you do!), check out thepoetmiranda.com