Donaldo Shitsburger is absolutely fucking livid over ex-FBI Director Comey's Instagram post showing seashells arranged as "8647," claiming it's a clear assassination call against the 47th president. "He knew exactly what that meant. A goddamn child knows what that meant," Trump raged to Fox's Bret Baier, dismissing Comey's apology as damage control. "He's a dirty cop," he snarled repeatedly, while passing the buck to AG Pam Bondi for any consequences. DHS Secretary Noem and Intelligence Director Gabbard backed Trump's interpretation, and the Secret Service promised to investigate. The feud continues the bitter history between Trump and Comey, who supported both Harris and Biden after being fired in 2017.

DHS Secretary Kristi Noem went nuclear on James Comey's ass, accusing the former FBI Director of calling for Donny McStinker's assassination through a cryptic Instagram post showing seashells arranged as "8647." The post sparked a fucking firestorm among Trump's rabid base who interpreted it as violence against the 47th president. Comey quickly deleted his beach art, claiming ignorance about the violent connotations: "I didn't realize some folks associate those numbers with violence." The Secret Service jumped into action, promising to "vigorously investigate" while current FBI Director Kash Patel pledged support. This latest clusterfuck adds fuel to the long-burning feud between Comey and Trump, who fired his ass in 2017.

Holy shit, the Republican "One Big Beautiful Bill Act" is hanging by a damn thread! The House Budget Committee's trying to push through this massive 1,116-page monstrosity packed with Donaldo Shitsburger's priorities, but a gang of hardline conservatives is throwing a fucking wrench in the works. Reps. Norman, Clyde and Roy are ready to vote "no" - enough to sink this bloated nightmare. Despite Speaker Johnson's false confidence, these Freedom Caucus rebels want steeper cuts and tougher Medicaid restrictions. The tension's so thick you could slice it with a knife while leadership scrambles like headless chickens to save their precious bill.

The Budget Committee meeting turned into a goddamn circus when conservative holdouts Norman, Roy, and Clyde stormed out then quickly shuffled back in. These Freedom Caucus diehards are demanding leadership recess this shitshow to "work things out" - code for "give us what we fucking want." They're pushing to speed up Medicaid work requirements and accelerate killing those green energy tax credits. Meanwhile, Majority Leader Scalise is huddling in side rooms with members, claiming "failure is not an option" with a straight face. The whole spectacle reeks of desperation as Republicans fracture under the weight of their own bullshit agenda.

Donnie TurdTrump cranked up the heat on his congressional lackeys, posting a whiny, all-caps Truth Social screed demanding they "STOP TALKING, AND GET IT DONE!" The narcissistic former president railed against "GRANDSTANDERS" in his own party, basically telling them to shut their mouths and bend the knee. His precious bill claims to cut taxes for everyone while booting millions of immigrants off Medicaid. He's threatening that without this legislation, taxes will skyrocket 65%, fear-mongering like it's his damn job. The message is crystal clear: dissent will not be tolerated in Trump's Republican Party.

As Republicans tear themselves apart like rabid wolves fighting over the last scrap of meat, Democrats are sitting back enjoying the fucking show. Budget Committee Ranking Member Brendan Boyle drew bipartisan laughs when he snarked about the "vigorous debate" between "Republicans and some other Republicans." He blasted the legislation as a "bill for billionaires" while guaranteeing every Democrat would vote against it. The Democratic strategy is simple: let these self-important jackasses implode on their own while highlighting how this 1,116-page monstrosity serves the wealthy at everyone else's expense. It's political theater at its most deliciously dysfunctional.

With this clusterfuck of a committee vote, Republicans' margin for error is thinner than toilet paper in a gas station bathroom. The 21-16 Republican majority means they can only afford two defections if every Democrat shows up to vote no. Norman, Roy, and Clyde have all threatened to tank the bill, while Brecheen admitted he's "not a yes" and others like Stutzman and Grothman remained on the fence. In a dramatic twist, Rep. Brandon Gill shocked everyone by showing up despite expecting the birth of his child, declaring he's "here to support the president's agenda." Talk about misplaced fucking priorities.