Gypsy-Rose Blanchard, fresh out of prison, publicly defended her husband online, proclaiming, “the D is fire.” The internet exploded. I mean, I guess she knows what AstroGlide is.

A Fox News psychic pulled the Five of Cups live on air while predicting Trump’s 2024 political prospects. You can’t make this up, because even Psychics know how fucked up Donald is.

A man, furious after being denied probation, vaulted over a judge’s desk and caused chaos in a Las Vegas courtroom. Because THAT always f*cking works. Right?

An Alaska Airlines flight experienced a mid-air emergency when its door plug blew off at 16,000 feet, scaring the living hell out of passengers. That cant be worse than any roller coaster ride, right?

Marianne Williamson dropped out of the presidential race and then promptly jumped back in, leaving everyone wondering what was going on. All republicans are this f*cked up.

Two JetBlue planes played bumper cars on the tarmac. Nobody was hurt, but someone’s career definitely took a nosedive. Into the Toilet. And never fly again. EVER.

After 14 years of legal battles, Julian Assange finally walked free, and we bet he’s catching up on all the memes he missed. I can’t even comment on this one.

Donald Trump became the first U.S. president to be convicted of 34 felonies for falsifying business records. Talk about breaking records. Or Donald Trump’s Tiny Wee Wee Syndrome, or something…..

Joe Biden shocked everyone by bowing out of the re-election race, endorsing Kamala Harris, who ultimately lost to—you guessed it—Trump. Dystopian alternate reality. Has set in.

Sweden officially joined NATO, finally putting an end to their long-standing neutrality. Better late than never, right?

Claudia Sheinbaum became Mexico’s first female president. About damn time.

The planet officially hit boiling point as 2024 became the hottest year on record, surpassing a 1.5°C increase in global temperatures.

Donald Trump narrowly survived an assassination attempt at a Pennsylvania rally, escaping with only a grazed ear. That was really half his ear, but that he auto-magically grew back in 24 hours. Proving that Donald Trump is a member of the Vrill, and a total fucking reptile.

In one of the weirdest feuds of the year, Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro challenged Elon Musk to a fight, and Musk, naturally, accepted. Maduro would have beaten Musk’s ass. Without blinking.

Thousands of Hezbollah fighters were injured when their pagers and walkie-talkies mysteriously exploded. It sounds like something straight out of a spy movie. Wait…People still use pagers? Do they really?

British boxer Ben Whittaker was slammed out of the ring during a match, leaving in a wheelchair. That’s a literal knockout.

A Mexican rugby player scored a try but got knocked out by a falling crossbar in a bizarre chain of events.

UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was assassinated in New York City, sparking nationwide debates on the state of healthcare. And now Mangione is the Hero of the People. Good luck finding a jury that will convict that guy.

Two NASA astronauts got stranded on the ISS after concerns over their return craft arose, extending their stay by months.

Banksy went wild with a series of animal-themed artworks across London, starting with a goat silhouette near Kew Bridge.