Tesla's stock is going straight to hell in a rocket ship that—unlike SpaceX's—isn't coming back to Earth in one piece. After a brief post-election sugar high where the stock shot up 84%, reality came crashing down like a self-driving Tesla hitting a concrete barrier. The stock has nosedived a brutal 40% from its peak, hemorrhaging 87% of those election gains while Musk prances around DC playing government official.

For years, Musk has been the tech world's carnival barker, promising revolutionary products that arrive years late—if at all. Remember the Tesla Semi revealed in 2017? Promised for 2019, it barely exists today. The Cybertruck? Unveiled in 2019, promised for 2021, finally limped to market in late 2023 with triple the original price tag. Solar Roof tiles? Announced in 2016, still practically nonexistent. And let's not forget the robotaxis that were supposed to generate $30,000 in annual income for Tesla owners by 2020—still waiting on those, Elon!

The pattern is as predictable as sunrise: grandiose announcement, stock pump, missed deadline, excuse, repeat. Tesla's market cap soared to $1.2 trillion in 2021, making it worth more than the next ten automakers combined despite producing a fraction of their vehicles. The company's P/E ratio hit an absurd 1,297 at its peak—a number that would make even the most delusional dot-com investor blush.

SpaceX has burned through billions in government contracts and subsidies while Musk preaches free-market capitalism. Since 2012, SpaceX has received over $15 billion in NASA contracts and another $2.8 billion from the Department of Defense. This "private company" has been suckling at the government teat while Musk rails against government spending. The company was valued at $180 billion in December 2024 despite never having a public offering—yet another castle built on speculative air.

The Twitter acquisition might go down as one of the most catastrophic vanity purchases in business history. After paying an obscene $44 billion for the platform in 2022, Musk proceeded to slash 80% of the workforce, watch advertising revenue crater by over 60%, and lose approximately 13% of daily active users. Former advertisers who represented over $2 billion in annual revenue fled the platform after Musk's erratic content moderation policies. X is now estimated to be worth less than $20 billion—a stunning $24 billion destruction of value in just over two years.

Watching Elon strut around as the head of the so-called "Department of Government Efficiency" (DOGE—because everything has to be a goddamn meme with this man) is like watching a drunk toddler playing with matches in a fireworks factory. His polarizing political penis peacocking has torched Tesla's carefully cultivated brand, (and he probably doesnt care now that he is a Washington Elite) turning a car company once beloved by climate-conscious liberals into a rolling billboard for right-wing culture wars. Brilliant fucking strategy, genius.

The numbers don't lie, and they're painting a picture uglier than a Cybertruck with a baseball through its "unbreakable" windows:

Tesla's market share has been in free fall since 2022. After capturing 65% of the US EV market in 2021, Tesla's share plummeted to 41% by late 2024. In China, BYD surpassed Tesla in EV sales in 2023, delivering 1.86 million EVs to Tesla's 1.35 million. In Europe, Tesla's market share collapsed from 31% in 2019 to less than 14% by the end of 2024 as Volkswagen, BMW, and Hyundai-Kia flooded the market with competitive offerings.

Quarter after quarter of missed delivery targets has become the norm. Tesla delivered 1.81 million vehicles in 2023 against Musk's promise of 2 million—a pattern repeated in 2024 when the company hit only 1.92 million against a projected 2.2 million. That 1.7% growth rate between 2023 and 2024 is a far cry from the 50%+ annual growth Musk promised investors.

Loyalty rates among Tesla owners in Democratic-leaning states have tanked from 72% to 65%. Turns out, when you hitch your wagon to divisive political bullshit, half your customer base tells you to eat shit. Who could have possibly seen that coming? Meanwhile, the percentage of US buyers who "would not consider" buying a Tesla has nearly doubled from 17% to 32% since 2021. One in three Americans now wouldn't touch a Tesla with a ten-foot pole.

Musk is spreading himself thinner than the paint on a Model 3. Between running Tesla, SpaceX, the dumpster fire formerly known as Twitter (now "X"), his AI pipe dream xAI, brain-chip fantasy Neuralink, and now playing government bureaucrat, the man is collecting companies like a hoarder collects newspapers. Investors are finally waking up to the obvious: a CEO who spends more time shitposting than running his companies might not be the business genius they thought.

Beijing is eyeing Tesla like a cat watching a wounded mouse. With Musk playing footsie with Trump's anti-China agenda, Tesla's Shanghai factory might as well have a giant target painted on its roof. Nothing ensures business success like pissing off the government of your largest growth market.

Some Tesla cultists are still huffing the Kool-Aid, convinced that Musk's political connections will magically fast-track approval for autonomous vehicles. Meanwhile, in reality, Tesla's "Full Self-Driving" remains a $12,000 party trick that still can't reliably navigate a Wendy's drive-thru without human intervention.

The FSD saga has been one of Musk's most egregious bait-and-switches. Since 2016, he's claimed FSD was just around the corner:

Meanwhile, Tesla has been forced to recall over 2 million vehicles for Autopilot safety issues, and has faced multiple investigations into crashes involving their driver assistance systems. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has documented at least 736 crashes involving Tesla Autopilot since 2019, including 17 fatalities. The "robotaxi revolution" Musk predicted would make Tesla worth $4 trillion remains a mirage on the horizon that never gets closer no matter how long you drive toward it.

The Tesla story is rapidly transforming from "revolutionary tech company" to "cautionary business school case study" on what happens when a CEO's ego outgrows his competence. As Rome burns, Emperor Elon is not only fiddling—he's streaming it live on social media and selling tickets.