You know what really grinds my gears: This orange-tinted autocrat just spent 24 hours playing world peacemaker while simultaneously threatening to fuck over federal workers, deploy troops like toy soldiers, and prosecute anyone who ever looked at him sideways.

Between Sunday evening and Monday afternoon, Donald Trumpty MouthAnus unleashed a goddamn whirlwind that reveals everything you need to know about his second-term playbook: peace plans with himself as chairman, government shutdowns as workforce purges, military deployments to cities that didn't vote for him, and prosecution-by-Twitter. It's authoritarianism at ludicrous speed.

Monday's press conference featured a 20-point Gaza peace plan with one spectacular detail: Donaldo Shitsburger chairs the fucking "Board of Peace." That's right—the guy who bankrupted casinos now oversees Middle East governance alongside Tony Blair and yet-to-be-announced heads of state.

The plan demands Hamas release 48 hostages in 72 hours while Israel releases 250 lifers. Hamas gets amnesty if they pinky-promise to disarm. Gaza becomes Trump's personal economic zone with preferential tariffs. It's not a peace plan—it's a hostile takeover with humanitarian window dressing.

Hamas hasn't agreed. Islamic Jihad already rejected it, calling it "a recipe to blow up the region"—which seems fucking reasonable when Donald ShriveledEmptyNutsack is running the show. Netanyahu's far-right coalition partners threaten to topple his government if the war ends. But The Donald of Dumpster deployed his characteristic delusion anyway: "We're, at a minimum, very, very close. And I think we're beyond very close."

His ultimatum to Netanyahu was crystal clear: "If Hamas rejects the deal, you'd have our full backing to do what you would have to do." Translation: obliterate them. This is peace through annihilation, dressed up as diplomacy.

While playing Middle East savior, Trumpy AssChatterChasm simultaneously pushed the government toward Tuesday midnight shutdown. The dispute? Democrats want ACA subsidies extended; Republicans want a "clean" continuing resolution.

But here's what makes this unprecedented: Trump explicitly plans to weaponize the shutdown to permanently fire federal workers. White House memos directed agencies to prepare mass layoff plans. They claim they've already cut 200,000-300,000 employees since January through firings, freezes, and forced resignations.

This isn't minimizing disruption—it's using manufactured crisis to circumvent civil service protections. Previous Trump shutdowns cost $3 billion in unrecovered losses. This one? It's designed to gut the federal workforce permanently. Speaker Mike "Tiny" Johnson told CNN Trump's priority is "preventing disruption to military pay"—but fuck everyone else, apparently.

Sunday morning, a 40-year-old Iraq War vet drove his truck through a Mormon church's doors in Grand Blanc, Michigan, opened fire with an assault rifle, then set the building ablaze with gasoline. Four dead, eight injured. Police killed the shooter.

Donald Shitsniffer immediately framed it as religious persecution before investigators established any motive: "This appears to be yet another targeted attack on Christians in the United States of America. THIS EPIDEMIC OF VIOLENCE IN OUR COUNTRY MUST END, IMMEDIATELY!"

The shooter had no identified anti-Christian ideology. But Trump doesn't need facts when culture war narratives are more useful. He offered zero policy solutions despite controlling both elected branches—because actually addressing gun violence might upset the NRA.

Saturday evening, Farty Donaldo announced troop deployment to Portland to protect ICE facilities "under siege." DHS claimed "weeks of violent riots" required military intervention.

Reality check: Most protests have been peaceful. Oregon Governor Tina Kotek rejected Trump's authority outright. A letter from 110 Portland community leaders warned that deployment "would directly threaten progress" and compared it to Trump's 2020 federal agent disaster that "inflamed and extended protests."

Pentagon officials told NBC News they were unaware of deployment orders as of Monday—meaning Trump might be making shit up for performance purposes. Either way, it fits his pattern: National Guard to LA in June, DC in August, threats to Baltimore, Chicago, Memphis. All Democratic cities. All over local objections. All probably unconstitutional.

Monday afternoon, Trump announced he'll address hundreds of generals and admirals at Quantico next week. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth summoned all one-star-and-higher officers with "little notice" for a "warrior ethos" discussion.

The Dumping Donald initially seemed unaware of his own meeting, telling reporters "I'll be there if they want me, but why is it such a big deal?" He later said he wants to tell generals "we love them" and discuss "how well we're doing militarily"—basically a fucking pep rally for 800 military leaders commanding thousands of troops globally.

This reeks of politicization. Trump previously gave campaign-style remarks to uniformed personnel at Fort Bragg, attacking Biden and violating norms against political speeches to active-duty members. Hegseth renamed Defense to "War" and wants journalists to pledge not to publish unauthorized information. Nothing authoritarian to see here, folks.

Monday morning brought random economic punishment via Truth Social. First, 100% tariffs on movies made outside the U.S.—attacking California's "weak and incompetent Governor" Gavin Newsom. This is the second time Trump threatened identical movie tariffs. Last time in May, the White House softened within 24 hours after Hollywood lobbied.

Second announcement: "substantial tariffs" on countries that don't make furniture in the U.S. This follows 50% duties on kitchen/bathroom furnishings and 30% on upholstered furniture set for Wednesday.

The Supreme Court hears arguments in November on whether Trump's tariff regime exceeds presidential authority. A federal appeals court already ruled 7-4 he usurped Congressional power. Nearly 70% of all imports face Trump tariffs. If SCOTUS invalidates them, the administration loses access to $210 billion already collected.

The September 25 Comey indictment dominated Sunday-Monday discussion. After Trump demanded prosecution on Truth Social—"We can't delay any longer" and "JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED, NOW!!!"—the administration fired U.S. Attorney Erik Siebert for resisting.

Within seven days, Trump's former personal lawyer Lindsey Halligan—zero prosecutorial experience, four days on the job—presented the case to a grand jury alone. Career prosecutors wrote a memo documenting insufficient probable cause. The grand jury rejected one of three charges—extremely rare and indicating weak evidence.

Only Halligan's name appears on the indictment. Career prosecutors refused participation. Comey's son-in-law, a senior national security prosecutor in the same office, resigned immediately with a one-sentence letter citing his constitutional oath.

Vance promised "more indictments coming over the next three and a half years." Trump signed an executive order directing DOJ to investigate liberal groups and Soros. NY AG Letitia James faces investigation. Senator Schiff faces investigation. DOJ wants Bolton charges "quickly."

These 24 hours aren't chaos—they're calculated authoritarian escalation on every front simultaneously. Trump inserts himself as chairman of international governance. Weaponizes shutdowns for workforce purges. Deploys military to Democratic cities. Prosecutes enemies via Twitter. Announces policy that may or may not be real. Frames tragedies before facts emerge.

He's eliminated internal executive constraints through loyalist appointments. Cowed Republican congressional leadership into mannequins. Weaponized prosecutorial power like a banana republic. Militarized domestic law enforcement. Subordinated career civil servants to political control.

And this is just Monday and Tuesday. We've got 42 more months of this shit. The question isn't whether Trump is testing constitutional boundaries—he's obliterating them. The question is whether anything can stop him before democratic institutions collapse entirely.

Vance's promise of more indictments signals the new normal. Trump discovered that simultaneous attacks on multiple fronts prevent sustained resistance. Media and opponents exhaust themselves while the next wave hits. Courts move slow; Trump acts fast. By the time lawsuits resolve, the damage is permanent.

Welcome to authoritarianism at scale. This is what consolidating power looks like when nobody can fucking stop you.