If you think Trump is hated across the board south of the border, you’re fing wrong. Believe it or not, human smugglers—better known as "coyotes"—are some of the biggest fing Trump stans around as we roll into the 2025 administration cycle. Yeah, you heard me. The guys raking in cash by sneaking people across the U.S.-Mexico border are practically writing love letters to the man. But why? Let’s unpack the stats, the dirty economics, and the political clusterf**k behind it.

Coyotes aren’t actual animals, but they’re just as fing predatory. These are the people paid to smuggle migrants across the U.S.-Mexico border. Whether it’s dodging Border Patrol, guiding people through hellish deserts, or squeezing folks into the back of a fing U-Haul, these smugglers take desperate people’s money in exchange for the chance—and it’s a slim one—of making it into the United States.

That’s a shit-ton of cash, and it’s only getting bigger. But here’s the kicker: a lot of that money’s growth can be tied directly to U.S. immigration policies. Enter: Trump.

Trump talks a big game about "securing the border" and "building the wall," but all his tough-on-immigration bullshit actually works in coyotes' favor. Let’s break it down:

The harder it is to cross the border, the more f***ing money coyotes can charge. When Trump first rolled out his wall rhetoric and beefed up Border Patrol, the price of smuggling jumped 58% between 2016 and 2020, according to data from the Center for Migration Studies. Why? Because risk is expensive as shit.

Think about it: if a coyote has to avoid heat-detecting drones, reinforced fencing, and more Border Patrol agents, that’s more work, more risk, and—you guessed it—more cash from migrants. Trump’s policies turned these smugglers into goddamn capitalists' wet dreams.

Then there’s Trump’s infamous "Remain in Mexico" policy, officially called the Migrant Protection Protocols (MPP). Under this shitshow of a rule, asylum seekers had to wait in Mexico while their claims were processed. Here’s the rub:

Studies from Human Rights Watch show that asylum seekers waiting in Mexico faced extreme violence, including kidnapping, rape, and murder. It’s a perfect storm for coyotes to swoop in and say, "Hey, for $8,000, I’ll get you out of this shithole."

Coyotes aren’t just loving the chaos; they’re profiting from it. Every policy meant to "secure the border" gives these assholes a chance to charge more and take more risks—all on the backs of vulnerable people.

Trump’s return to the political stage in 2025 means more of the same—maybe even worse. He’s already signaling that immigration will be a cornerstone of his campaign, with promises to "finish the wall" and "ban asylum fraud." Sounds tough, right? It’s not. It’s just fuel for the coyote fire.

Here’s the twisted irony: the more Trump tries to "stop illegal immigration," the more coyotes benefit. Think of it like a game of whack-a-mole. You build a wall? Coyotes find a tunnel. You send more drones? They use decoys. Every new security measure just makes the journey harder, riskier, and—you guessed it—more f***ing expensive.

Coyotes don’t operate solo. Many of them are tied to powerful Mexican cartels like the Sinaloa and Jalisco New Generation Cartels. These groups control smuggling routes, and Trump’s policies have made those routes more valuable than ever. A 2022 report from the Wilson Center found that cartels earned an additional $1.5 billion annually from smuggling fees during Trump’s first term.

These cartels are licking their chops at the thought of Trump 2025. More enforcement? More profit. It’s a vicious cycle that’s only getting f***ing worse.

It’s easy to get lost in the stats and economics, but let’s not forget the real victims here: the migrants. These are people fleeing violence, poverty, and shit situations most of us can’t even imagine. Here’s what they face:

And guess what? The harder the border is to cross, the more these poor f***ers have to rely on coyotes. It’s a vicious cycle of desperation and exploitation.

Trump’s policies don’t just make coyotes’ jobs easier; they make them fucking rich. Here’s why smugglers are probably popping champagne at the thought of a second Trump term:

It’s capitalism at its grimiest, and Trump’s the perfect fucking mascot.

Coyotes and human smugglers aren’t just surviving Trump-era policies; they’re fucking thriving. Every wall, every crackdown, and every tough-on-immigration soundbite is just more fuel for their billion-dollar racket. Migrants are left paying the price—often with their lives—while coyotes laugh all the way to the fing bank.

So next time you hear Trump brag about "securing the border," remember who’s really winning: the human smugglers who’ve turned his policies into a goldmine of suffering and exploitation.